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12 Hilarious First-Period Stories That Will Help You Appreciate Yours

 

Do you remember that fateful day when you got your first period? Did you get that "congratulations, you're a woman now" speech which did nothing but add confusion to an already terrifying situation.

If we’re lucky, Mother Nature announces her first arrival when we’re in the comfort of our own home. However, the ladies below weren’t that fortunate. We’ve compiled the best first-period stories from this reddit post.

 

Holy Crap, Did I Just Shit Myself?

tnrunning.com

“I was sure I was having some problem with poo coming out. I was staying at my grandmother's house and had no idea it was my period. The next day I rode my bike to summer camp and finally figured out it was my period half way through the morning when there was still more brown, plus some red. I had to ask an adult to help me out with supplies, and then go home and tell my grandmother I got my period. She said, "Oh" and then a few hours later said, "Um, was that your first one?"

- youngbridget

 

“Yep, #1 surprise right here. I had 3 periods thinking I was crapping my pants before my mom (who did the laundry) told me she thought I got my period. Until then, I was putting toilet paper in my crotch/butt thinking I was having anal leakage a couple days a month. "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" never said it would be brown. I read that book probably 10 times and not once did Judy Blume make it seem like it'd be anything but bright pinkish-red.

Nope, looks like yoiu've got poopy racing stripes in your undies.”

- CapOnFoam

 

Really though, why doesn’t anyone mention that when your first period starts it’s going to be brown. No one wants to readily admit that they’ve crapped their pants. It’s only after experiencing those horrendous, bulky pads that admitting to sharting yourself would have felt like the lesser of two evils.

 

Why The Hell Am I Wearing Diapers Again?

blueskyimage/123rf.com

“I was 12.5. It was late afternoon/early evening, already dark, in the middle of January in Maine, but things were about to get even more depressing! I was home with my mom but she was taking a nap. I noticed I had gotten my period and my mom always told me to tell her if I noticed blood on my underwear. So I waited until she woke up and then told her. She gave me a pad and I told her it felt like wearing a diaper again.”

- throwawayyallzes

 

“I was at my grandma's house, watching the Spice Girls tour on TV. My mom didn't have any pads, neither did my grandma. I did, however, have a baby brother at the time and mom suggested I wear one of his diapers.

Here I was thinking I'd blossomed into a woman, when I actually had regressed to toddlerdom.

Girl power.”

- FluffidyPuff147

 

bakingmad.com

“It was the first day of 7th grade and I was feeling sick all day. I finally went to the bathroom and saw blood. I was too nervous to ask my friends for anything so I wadded up a bunch of toilet paper until I found a quarter for the machine. I had basketball practice right after school so I couldn't go home yet; it was awful! When I finally got home, I told my mom, who started crying. She was so excited that she ran and told my dad, and then called my grandma! Needless to say, I was mortified!!

She then went to the shops and came home with huge, thick pads (not discreet at all) and a chocolate/cherry cake filled with red cherry jam and with a nice dollop of jam on top of the cake.. Needless to say I didn't eat the cake”

-bears-bub

 

What do you think about period parties? Looking at it from our parents’ perspective, it’s like another birthday party only this time we’re celebrating a major puberty event. From our perspective, we're bleeding, confused and in excruciating pain... what is there to celebrating again?

It isn’t until we become older that we understand what our parents were really trying to do. In a world where some cultures view menstruating women as being impure, our parents chose to make it a positive experience by doing what they thought best to make us feel special. 

via maxinesarahart on Tumblr

As we later learned, having your family find out that you’re menstruating is nothing in comparison to having a room full of classmates know.

 

The Infamous Laugh Gush

jackf/123rf.com

“In 10th grade.

I was sitting in front of the class and laughing with friends. The more I laughed the more I felt weird. I moved around in my seat and noticed...something. I tried to ignore it and kept on talking to my friends.

Then I stood up to go throw something away. Once I stood up the flood gates were set loose. It felt like a fucking waterfall was unleashed...in my pants.

I rushed to sit down and I noticed the more I moved the more the waterfall rushed out. Finally the bell rang to leave and I rushed out of the building and got on the bus. I sat like my back was my ass and was very uncomfortable.

Hauled ass when it got to my stop to check the damage.

Heh.”

- anon

This almost became my horror story! Luckily my period had mercy and chose to make its first appearance on a bank holiday that fell during the school week. Things could definitely have been much worse…especially if I had thought I was hurt or mortally injured like these ladies below.

 

IT'S JUST A WOUND!

bonzodog/123rf.com

“I went sledding with a friend. I flew off a ramp and landed on my ass pretty hard.

Later that day, I went to pee and noticed blood. I told my mom I think I really hurt myself sledding.

NO HONEY, THIS IS JUST NATURE RUINING THE NEXT 40 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE.”

- Madame-Ovaries

 

“Think I was around 11 at the time.

mom: "so I found some blood in the dirtyla.." me: "IT'S JUST A WOUND!"

Not the best story, or anything like that. But it's what first come to my mind when I think about those days. I was extremely embarrassed the first time and didn't have a clue to what I could do with it. Thankfully got over that part of it :P”

-awonii

 

Or worse yet...

Pinterest

“I got my first period at my 10 year old birthday party (not on my birthday but like a week or two after), and thought I was going to die. I remember staring at the patterns on my bathroom tiles and wondering how long I had to live.

Yup. It was a great time.”

-nintendoinnuendo

 

“I was ten and while I vaguely knew what a period was, it wasn't something my mom or school had talked to me about yet. One night we were out with friends and I kept complaining about a bad stomachache. The next day, I woke up with ruined underwear.

I knew it was blood but I had no reference for what it could be, so....I naturally assumed I was dying. I was too afraid to tell anyone, so I just cleaned up and went about my day. Later, my mom yelled at me over something trivial and I burst into huge, hysterical sobs. Finally, I choked out that I was dying and she figured out what was going on.

She felt so bad for not preparing me and for yelling at me, she went out and bought me a Spice Girls CD, haha. Overall, it was pretty traumatic so I've vowed that if I ever have daughters, I'll educate them early!”

- yourstorynow

 

“Before moving to the house I was in I lived with 4 other girls so obviously the bathrooms were well stocked with everything for your girlish needs. I come out of my room one morning and trip over my unconscious roommate, I start yelling because there's blood everywhere and I think someone either got murdered or fell and she suddenly jerks upright like something from a zombie movie.

Apparently she was tired and had major cramps, went upstairs to get a tampon and passed out because of pain bleeding all over.”

-Wildernessinabox

 

“I was 9. I had no clue. So I ran screaming to my best friend Todd that I was bleeding to death. He picked me up and ran to the office screaming at the top of his lungs that I was dying and wasn't anyone going to help us.”

-reinnsreinn

 

Thank you ladies for sharing your awesome stories!

 

Can you relate? Please share your story below and if it's good we'll share it on our Facebook page.

 

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. ~SuperAwesomeFantastic

    1 September, 2016 at 8:44 am

    I was 12 and it was Christmas morning. I woke up with brown in my panties and thought maybe I hadn’t wiped proper and left a skid. Well later that day we had our family Christmas party at my aunts house down the street with all my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, I went to the restroom to finally realize it was my period so I sneakily searched my aunts washroom for pads but there were none so i wadded up some TP and quietly asked my mom if i could go home because i forgot to get something, but she said no because we were opening gifts soon. I begged that I would be quick (we literally lived a minute away) but no matter what argument I came up with she said no until finally it clicked, and she stood up all excited and loudly asked “Do You Have Your Period?” Now the room goes quiet as everyone turns and looks at me! OMG i wanted to die! I said no! and later pulled her aside to tell her I did and how much I hated her for embarrassing me! Well my aunt realized what was going on and discreetly gave me a pad. What a Merry freakin Christmas!!

     

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