Relationships

Should You Stay or Should You Go

 

It feels like everyone around you is settling down and getting married. Even though you're in love and in a relationship, it feels like he's never going to pop the question. You tell yourself he just needs a little more time, and when you love someone, you accept them faults and all. So what if it takes him a little longer to get to that next step, it's not the dark ages. People live for 70 plus years these days. What's a couple more weeks, months, years?

Don't you wish you could just ask a crystal ball if he's ever going to propose and find out for sure? Unfortunately, there is no magic way of telling whether your man is finally going to make that big commitment and put a ring on your finger. There are some questions you can ask yourself, to help figure it out. Then you can decide if YOU want to marry HIM, or if you're wasting your time waiting around. Remember, you are the only person in control of your life.

 

1.) What If He Never Asks?

couple arguing

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Probably the biggest question when waiting for your man to commit is, "What if I wait for him all this time, and he still doesn't marry me?" It is a real possibility that you could be with someone for years, and it won't work out. That's why how long you have been dating and the quality of the time you've spent together should be considered before you decide if you're ready to spend the rest of your life with them.

Honestly, there are a lot of things you can only find out about someone the more time you spend together. For example, whether or not they display toxic behavior. If the person that you are dating is controlling, dominating, and manipulative they're not going to be the best person to start a life with. Experts say that it should only take around three months to identify people's patterns of behavior. That doesn't mean that once you hit the three-month mark, you should rush down the aisle!

The more seasons of life you go through with your significant other, the more you can know about their true self. The longer you are with someone, the more circumstances you will find yourself in where you're able to see what kind of spouse they would be. How do they handle work struggles, deaths, or money trouble? How well do they interact with friends and family? These are all very important things to know about someone. That is why it's so imperative to look at the quality of the time you have spent with them.

 

2.) Are You Both On The Same Page?

Another thing to think about is, "Are you dating with purpose?" You could date someone for years and not know if they're someone you want to marry. Honesty is vital, and you could put time and energy into a relationship that's not going to last. When you date with purpose, you discuss your hope for the relationship to end in marriage and what your partner hopes to get out of the relationship. Learning about familial patterns and how they handled romantic relationships in the past will give you meaningful insight into your partner's character and relationship skills. These discussions and asking your partner the right questions will help to reveal if you are compatible.

If you have been dating for years with the intention of getting married with no engagement ring in sight, you should let your man know how you feel! Don't put it off because you're afraid of the answer. Ask him if he is positive you are the woman he wants to marry and depending on his answer; you might have some tough decisions to make. However if you haven't been dating with purpose, or if you haven't been dating very long, needing more time could be a valid reason to put off marriage.

 

3.) What Are His Fears About Getting Married?

Which brings us to, "What are his reasons for wanting to wait to get married?" Marriage might not be the best thing for you as a couple depending on where you're at in life. Agreeing on a timeline that you plan and set together is crucial. What you want to achieve in life and love should be an ongoing conversation. Maybe you want to have kids, and he doesn't. For women, waiting too long to have a family is a real concern.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a husband or a family. Of course, it's okay for him not to be ready to get married and have kids yet, and to be honest with you about it. This is a good reason to wait to get married or not to get married at all. You should avoid pressuring your boyfriend or guilt tripping him about marriage because that's only going to create conflict. You don't want someone to tell you that they do want something when they don't, because that could be a disaster.

 

4.) Why Do You Want To Get Married?

The focus shouldn't only be on why he doesn't want to get married, though, you also need to think about why you WANT to get married. Is it because your biological clock is ticking? Marriage is challenging, and babies only make it more so. If you're not both ready for it, you're only asking for trouble. Maybe you're worried that you'll never find anyone else. Dating can be a sea of uncertainty. You may think it's just best to settle for who you're with instead of risking getting hurt by someone else or being perpetually single. These are not good reasons to get married! If you want to marry someone because you are truly in love with them and could not imagine going through life without them, then it is best to wait. Getting married for the wrong reasons usually ends in heartache and regret.

When it's all said and done, only you can decide whether or not you should stick it out. Maybe one day he'll be ready, maybe he won't. You will have to determine what you want in life and be honest with yourself. Once you know what's at stake, you will be able to make an informed choice about your relationship. As long as you stay smart and listen to what your heart is telling you, it will be easy to figure out.

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The information on this site is my personal opinion and is not intended to treat, diagnose or cure any disease or ailment. Always seek a medical professional when in doubt, only a health care professional can advise you on your specific situation.

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